The Writers’ DSM

–This is a work in progress, but new diagnosis are being made every day.

Bipaper Disorder–Feeling extreme happiness and despair when faced with a blank page.

catatonic behavior–often known as writer’s block.

catharsis–acting out violently when someone disrupts your writing time just as you have an awesome idea.

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déjà vu–the discovery that someone else has already written a book using your brilliant idea.

denial–the act of denying you wrote the naughty bits in the book when your family finally gets around to reading it.

Inferiority Complex–the belief that everything ever written is better than anything you are ever going to write.

magical thinking–the belief that if you keep talking about the book you’re going to write, it will get written.

Napoleon Complex–the belief that the short story is superior to the novel.

Narcissism Disorder–the belief that everyone else not only wants to hear about your latest book but is really going to buy it.

The Oedipen Complex–(also known as the KeyBoardipus Complex) The desire to live in one’s stories and to kill real people who would criticize one’s work.

Omniscient Complex–The belief that as a writer one knows and controls everything.

paranoia–the persistent belief that someone is going to steal your ideas and make the millions meant for you.

Passive Aggressive–the act of telling your writer friends that you love their work but then “forgetting” to buy the work, tell others about the work, or frequently using the phrase “it’s okay” when people ask you if the book is any good.

Schizauthorenia–The inability to separate one’s imagination from one’s real life. Often marked by hearing one’s character’s in one’s head and believing the character’s are really telling the story.

Synopsisphobia–an unreasonable fear of writing a synopsis. Often recognized by the writers sudden refusal to touch the keyboard or acknowledge the blinking cursor.

Writer-ella Complex–the hope that a fairy godagent will appear to write one’s query or synopsis.

6 thoughts on “The Writers’ DSM

  1. Pingback: I’ve read a lo… « writing in the water

  2. Pingback: The DSM for Writers « theOffice

  3. Obsessive-repulsive disorder — the erroneous belief that the scariness of a horror scene in a story/screenplay is directly proportional to the volume of blood spilled and/or stomach contents upchucked.

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