it’s all about me and that’s why I’m throwing myself in front of a hurtling object

Who follows their own advice? Tell me because I want to kidnap them and bring them home with me. Maybe if I sleep with them under my pillow something will sink into my brain.

I foolishly skip around the internet like an old-enough-to-know-better Red Riding Hood, and I see all these fascinating things and discover these talented, clever people, and then RRRROWR the big bad wolf of jealousy and doubt rips out my throat. Makes me think the wheels of a bus wouldn’t be so bad. Okay, not really. But you get the idea.

Every bloody semester I tell my students not to worry about the students who finish the tests first or who have fewer marks on their papers. Everyone learns at her own speed and everyone has his own strengths. Maybe she finished first but the answers are all wrong. Maybe he’s got marks on his paper but it’s boring and too easy. Maybe she really is perfect, but stressing out about it won’t help you learn.

Can I follow my own advice? Of course not. Oh, those powerful little letters–est. Prettiest. Smartest. Cleverest. Best. Back in school I got so attached to be the tallest (as the only -est I could claim) that if some girl showed up who was taller, I got depressed. No, I’m the tallest! Who was I if I wasn’t? And I didn’t even really like being tall for a long time–clothes don’t fit and boys don’t like you.

Anyway, ridiculous childhood memories aside, this year I’m killing -est. That’s right. I’m not going to tell anyone she’s the greatest. She’s great. He’s not the nicest. He’s nice. So, -est (and your other guise most), the bus is hurtling by; meet the wheels.

meet the wheels

11 thoughts on “it’s all about me and that’s why I’m throwing myself in front of a hurtling object

  1. Oh I hear you. I am 36 years old, and I see all these people who are so much younger than me who are getting published and making it look easy! I am envious to the core. I feel like it will never be me. How depressing. And there are many other things to get jealous about too, but the writing thing is my biggest one.

  2. Interesting. Maybe I will join you in killing -est, especially as I speak to the children. Unnecessary pressure, etc.

    What does “best” come, when you kill -est? Hehehe.

    Babe, you are totally B! You are so B!

  3. So much of this and pretty much any other industry is being in the right place at the right time and having the right thing. After that it all comes down to hard work. SO many of the younger authors seem to burn out faster.

    Anyways I’ve been tagged and so am tagging you for details.

  4. I always had to be the smartest. Then I went to college and that ended that. 🙂

    Oddly, blogging and reading blogs has really helped me. I’m so happy to read and get to know so many genuinely talented people. It gives me hope for the human race to see all these people out there writing.

    As for taking my own advice, I try really hard to do it. Does that count?

  5. Marta,

    What a clever post! You have hit a nerve, we can truly see from all the comments here. As a true “jelly-belly” myself, I’m with you Babe. (This was one of those qualities early-identified by my mother…from toddlerhood as a youngest child.)

    Thanks for visiting my blog, commenting on the Eric Maisel “Van Gough Blues” interview, and staying to look around and read…taking some of the books off the shelf, as it were. It’s good to have some village wisdom, I’ve found, to provide a context of appreciation…in which I feel happy for what others offer, and continue to identify and affirm whatever it is that I have to offer.

    Your visit helps me do that, and I thank you.

    Janet Riehl

  6. You are all totally B*! I love that. I also like the me-est. Maybe that’s the -est that gets to live.

    And MPJ, of course it counts. It has to or we’re all in trouble.

  7. Creativity creates more creativity. The more creative work going on, the better it is for all of us.

    This makes sense in my mind, but I can’t come up with an explanation as my brain and fingers are not cooperating today at the computer.

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