The Still Can’t Rewrite Chronicles: Cavemen Are to Blame

Perhaps frustration is starting to set in.

Okay. There are these things called letters. There is this stuff called paper. Somewhere back in time somebody decided to put these two things together. Well, maybe scratches and stone came first and…we generally know how that turned out.

Anyway. Here we are, beyond burnt sticks and cave walls. Supposedly. Do you think those first writers pondered what those first marks ought to be? Man-eating tiger that way–probably did not cause much creative angst–Hmmm…should I have written this way instead? But eventually some foolish soul realized that those marks could share more than logistical or practical information.

What poor soul suffered the first case of writer’s block? How can I capture the inner-conflict of my intrepid mammoth hunter? Is he sympathetic and believable? Did this first story teller break the stone to pieces and toss it over her shoulder? No one is ever going to read this!

Did some tribal member shake his head in bewilderment. How many sticks and walls are you going to go through before you get a real job? When was the last time you brought home a decent carcass? That would be something people want to see.

And another tribal member–I like your mammoth hunter and all, but I just don’t believe he’d kill the mammoth that way. Where was his motivation? And the symbolism with his spear length? That’s so cliche.

Now there’s a question–when was the first cliche? How long did it take from the first story to the first time somebody said–you know, that’s getting kind of tired. So last year. Predictable.

When did original get to be so difficult?

I think Pandora’s Box came into existence the instance that first stick touch stone. Look at what that damn fool started! Cave dweller staring at cave wall. Modern human staring at computer screen. Hmm…

And I think the only appropriate punishment for that very fool is an eternity reading every unpublished novel ever written. Starting with mine.

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