Sure, getting some real work done might be a better use of time, but since when has time wanted to be used wisely? Why, maybe it isn’t Father Time at all. No serious, gray-bearded man towering over us, tapping his yellowing fingernail on his ticking watch and saying, “Well, get on with it then.”
Maybe Time is a the original party girl. She’s forever pretty and winsome(because she has all the time in the world) and she is grabbing at us and pulling us into the fray, the throng, the eternal shopping mall of earthly distractions, and she is pointing at shiny things and funny people, and when you try to find the clock to figure out how much time you have left for this nonsense before you need to go back to work, she flutters her wide eyes (always wide eyes–the better to see the whole wide world with) and says, “Oh, but you don’t want to leave me all alone, do you?”
And if you’re a fellow, or for that matter a girl who likes girls too, you stay because who wouldn’t want to be seduced by Time? And if you’re a girl, or even a fellow who likes fellows, you stay because, well, hell, you’d like to be seduced by Time too. Then before you know it, the midnight chime is sounding and you’re being told to leave because, really, you’ve taken more than your fair share of Time and others are waiting to come in after you, and you say, “But wait! I was invited!” But you can’t find your invitation because who has time to keep things in order? And you say, “But I was having so much fun!” But the hangover to end all hangovers is beginning to gnaw at your bones. And you say, “But Time loves me! She said!” And everyone will laugh because Time loves everyone and what were you thinking?
And really Time wants someone who can keep up because she just keeps going and going and going…
All this nonsense is to say that I wrote my epitaph thanks to this headstone contest. And I’m a sucker for a time waster–whatever form it comes in.
For My Headstone
This Gentle Reader, she did find
that too much reading makes one blind.
Too much reading she did learn
gives hellfire more to burn
Too much reading she did know
gives the earth a world to grow.
Too much reading she failed to fear
and that is what did lead her here.
If you write one, please share. (I didn’t follow the instructions, by the by, and so this definitely isn’t winning anything. Writer Rule Number One: Follow Submission Guidelines! New epitaph–Here she lies under deconstruction for she could not follow plain instruction.)