Tiny badger is late because tiny badger spent too much time at the bookstore nibbling on books. Boy, is tiny badger picky. He marches up and down the aisles, stands on shelves with his tiny badger paws on his not-so-tiny badger hips, and he shakes his head and gnashes his teeth.
Ever heard the gnashing of tiny badger teeth? It would keep you up at night.
So, tiny badger spent all his time in the bookstore complaining. He gnawed his way through many books (several booksellers had to be prevented from smooshing tiny badger with the Oxford dictionary), and he gnashed things like this–
This book’s plot is too dry. That book’s plot is too sickly sweet. This other book’s characters are flavorless (tiny badger has a special fondness for tasty characters). And this book’s climax, he shouted while pitching book to the floor, is like a milk dud stuck to one’s shoe. The problem is, as should come as no surprise, that tiny badger is miffed that he had no hand in making these books. These were by authors with no scars on their ankles! How good can a book be without a little blood pooling under the desk?
So, tiny badger fully expects you to make him proud. Get to those novels. Type faster–before your ink and blood run low. Get your work out there! Come on! Tiny badger wants a book tour while nipping at your heels all the way.
Just imagine you and tiny badger at a book signing–you and your autograph pen–him and his blood stained paws…
Okay, maybe tiny badger is going too far with the bloodshed, but look–you CAN write anything as good as any other book on the shelf. Tiny badger believes in you and so do I. It would be nice if you could write with your ankles intact, but we’ll do what we have to.
Get writing. You don’t really want to disappoint a tiny badger with sharp teeth, now do you?