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Does God Get Writer’s Block?

The possibilities are endless. I could kill one of them. Make one crazy. Lose one. I already know I’m going to break some hearts. Such power! What to do with it?

Do you think God had this problem? There’s was God, sitting up in heaven, tapping his fingers on a cloud, stuck in the plot. “Let’s see, I’ve got this character wandering in the woods…hmmm, where’s the drama? What’s this character want? What this story needs is some conflict! Ooo. I know, I’ll make another character! They’ll fall in love! I like a good romance.”

Then came that pesky snake, always a critic, saying, “You sure you want to do that? I don’t know if I’m buying this. It’s a bit, you know, predictable.”

“Well, smarty skin, you write it if you think you’re so clever.”

So the snake writes himself into the storyline. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” said God. “Do you even understand what I’m trying to do? Don’t you get it? Now I’m going to have to start over!” Sipping his coffee (because, yes, there was coffee before the beginning of the world), God hemmed and hawed and said, “I know. Let’s get these characters out of this garden. Nothing ever happens there.”

And God cut and paste Eden into an entirely new document, and created this known earth. Naturally, God isn’t sure he didn’t make a mistake. Maybe he should’ve stayed with that original garden plot, but he doesn’t want to start all over again, and he’s got so many ideas…

So, we can see what a plot tangle God’s gotten into. Makes my plot mess seem, well, insignificant.

7 thoughts on “Does God Get Writer’s Block?

  1. Good Lord! You little badger! (Is God a badger?)

    I think you are going to make me turn off the internet and go upstairs to my novel so I can toss my little darlings out of the garden of eden. I am scared. I do not know what snakes may be lurking there.

  2. Oh, my. So many triggers, so little space.

    1. I think Snake is the real badger here, nipping God into re-starting the whole Creation Storyline.

    2. I blew post-creation coffee out my nose at the visuals of a snake writing a) with a pen down his throat and b) banging his pointy little face on a keyboard. The original no-finger typist.

    3. Thanks to you, I have a new opener for the Greatest Story Ever Told: “In the beginning, there was a Blank Page. And God saw that it sucked tennis balls through 50′ garden hoses.” So, yes, God gets writer’s block too.

    Hmm. 50′ garden hoses. Maybe God uses the metric system? And does His NaNoWriMo only last a week? (NaNoWriWee?) He even took Sunday off. Miraculous!

    Many thanks for the wee-hour chuckles, mapelba. 🙂

  3. Too funny. Thankfully I didn’t have coffee in my mouth when I read the cut-and-paste part. Hilarious.

    And yes, I believe He gets writer’s block. It’s possible my life was a NaNoWriMo project that has stalled.

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