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How to Be on Display

the first panel of the display

the first panel of the display

1. Spend an hour with a friend in Lowes trying to figure how to make a display.
2. Spend another hour in Lowes with husband seeing if the first idea was any good.
3. Figure out how much everything will cost. This total will be wrong.
4. Buy PCV PVC pipes that don’t fit in car and must be cut down with handsaw in Lowes parking lot.
5. Buy 200 lbs. of rocks, 6 buckets, paint, wire. One bag of rocks tears open in trunk.
6. Strain back carrying rocks. Break wheeled cart used for carrying rocks.
7. Buy peg boards which won’t fit in car. Return peg boards to store.
8. Get mother-in-law’s van and go buy peg boards again.
9. Learn that the hooks for the peg boards must be bought in assorted sizes even though you need only one size.
10. Paint one peg board. Realize you were an idiot to think spray paint would work. Go buy paint in a gallon can.
11. Paint peg boards. Dog investigates fresh paint. Dried paint takes the fur off the dog.
12. Figure out where to keep everything where the kid won’t bother it and the dog won’t pee on it.
13. Wait til rainstorm to decide you must buy metallic tulle from fabric store to make PCV PVC pipe pretty.
14. You’ve never used a power drill. Use power drill to drill holes in PCV PVC pipe. A power drill is harder to control than expected.
15. Put rocks and PCV PVC pipe in buckets. Realize display is too wobbly.
16. See that the pipe won’t stay in place and rocks get inside the pipe.
17. Steal son’s clay to seal the bottom of the pipe.
18. Realize the next pipe that goes inside the first pipe will stick to the clay and pull the entire thing out.
19. Get wax paper for the bottom of the pipe.
20. There is no room in your apartment to keep this display. Hope family won’t mind them in the living room.
21. Realize you’ve been calling it PCP pipe. It’s PCV. No, wait. It’s PVC. SIgh.
22. Consider sprinkling display with pepper to keep dog from peeing on the display.
23. Hope you don’t come across like a kindergartner showing everyone a scribble and expecting high praise.

8 thoughts on “How to Be on Display

  1. writtenwyrdd, glad to know I’m not alone.

    fairyhedgehog, thanks. I do seem to attract palavers!

    Megan, ack! See, I’m still confused. But I did make a few changes in the post.

  2. OMG! That sounds like something I would go through, trying to jury rig something. But it looks good.

    I’m going to an art festival today. I’m going to peep out the various booth displays and see what they did. Do you think they’d get annoyed if I went around taking pictures of displays?

  3. God, Marta, that’s beautiful. I was thinking that when I sell a book I’d commission you to make small art with my manuscript as publication gifts for everyone involved. Or greeting cards, they would make great greeting cards. So original. Proud of you!

  4. You probably don’t want to hear that this was a hugely entertaining piece to read. 🙂 (On the other hand, you probably suspected it would be!)

    For the record, although I knew it was “PVC,” that knowledge wouldn’t have helped me do this good a job with the display. Really looking good. It would probably make me a little less apprehensive on your behalf if I believed the photo was taken at the art fest site rather than in a room at your own place — one imagines a follow-up post regarding the transportation of “portable” displays — but in the meantime, this looks awfully good.

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