(Two posts in one week! It must be a semester break.)
The first thing I’m going to do in the New Year is contradict myself. (Honestly, it’s a lifelong habit. Why change now?) In my last post, I talked about organizing. And yes, I’m still going to experiment with ways to organize documents and photos, art and stories. Our documents are halfway sorted. Most things together, and our son could muddle through fairly well if need be. But these things need to be maintained and stragglers rounded up. So that requires going through stacks of papers, shredding some, filing others, and checking labels.
Photos are a longer term project. I want to make scrapbooks for some things and identify people in many photos. I have photos that belonged to my grandmother–who are these people? Does it matter? There’s a photo of someone who might be my great-grandmother. But is she? I don’t know. Again, does it matter? Look, I’ve written a story about people who try to archive the universe. History and archives matter to me. Will my scrapbooks and photo albums matter to folks years hence? I’ll never know, so I’ll do my best today.
Organizing my stories just takes going through digital files and printing things out for various binders. I have yet to find a way to keep track of everything I’ve written (and keep writing), but nine novels and hundreds of short stories still take up only one shelf. That’s not too shabby.
The true demon of chaos is the art. I really struggle to organize it. (A demon will not be hemmed in, apparently.) My system now is almost laughable. There’s the art I’ve made that might be sold, art I’ve made I want to keep, and then all the art supplies I may or may not use. This is what fuels the chaos demon–papers, magazines, threads, beads, sequins, googly eyes, found objects, glues, tapes, paper punches, pens, pencils, paints, scissors, pliers, wire, stickers, stamps, mailers, packaging material, displays, frames, and whatever else.
I said I’m going to contradict myself. Well, yes, I want to organize these supplies in way that will fix my life. Everything will be accessible, used, and remembered (I can’t tell you how often I forget I even have something until I come across it looking for something else–Oh my gosh, why haven’t used this whatchamacallit?) And then once everything is beautifully organized, I’ll be able to make beautiful art! And once I have beautiful art, my art will sell! And once my art sells, I’ll have money for nice things like getting out of debt and saving for retirement! Sure! Of course! Makes perfect sense.
Oi. So, the contradiction is–I’m going to experiment with not caring about being organized. I’m going to experiment with living with the chaos demon in peace. An unsteady peace, perhaps, but peace nonetheless. Yes, I’ll do my best to have a place for things, but in the spaces already here. The demon of chaos is delighted to play with the demon of containers. And I say this as someone who loves, LOVES, a good box and the Container Store, and as someone who watched Marie Kondo and the Home Edit. But in the end, I spend money on these containers and then they become part of the clutter. Oh, says chaos demon, did you think everything would fit in this container? Did you think this container would fit perfectly on that shelf? Did you think this container would get along with all the other containers you’ve brought into this house? Hahahaha! Thanks for the toy, lady.
My studio/office is filled with shelves and cabinets I didn’t buy. They’re from my Buy Nothing Group or from friends moving away. I love saving and reusing things. But it means it’s all a hodgepodge. Nothing matches or fits together particularly. But I’m going to make peace with that. It doesn’t have to all be coordinated. It doesn’t have to look like a showroom. I don’t have to listen to the siren call of organizational videos. Sometimes, it’s okay if the chaos demon plays.
Frankly, I watched a clip of Kim Kardashian showing off her pantry and was horrified. Y’all, the demon of organizing also exists, and it too will suck the lifeforce out of your home. It will convince you that having a jar of pasta for display purposes only makes sense in a world where kids go hungry.
Whew. Anyway, I will declutter and tidy up. I will organize with what I have. But I will be okay with a bit of mess.
LIKE THIS POST! Hahahaha. Y’all, I’ve gotten this far and still haven’t written what I meant to write–liminality.
Some folks pick a word of the year, a north star, so-to-speak, of what will guide them through the next twelve months. I’ve tried it, but getting one word created in winter to stick through the summer heat has been impossible for me. And I tried coming up with one word every month–it’s more manageable, but often I just sat and stared at the computer screen with no word coming to mind. And that may still happen! But I’m going to choose one word for the next three months–from today until March 25th, the old New Year. Winter is a dark time, short days, cold keeping us home, waiting for the blooms of spring. My father is going through a lot right now, and I’m waiting to see how things go with him and where he ends up. There are so uncertainties with him, I feel in limbo, unable to make decisions, full of doubt and worry. Instead of trying to pretend that one day, New Year’s Day, is enough to settle on resolutions and make plans and start grand experiments, I’m taking three months.
I have to know more about my dad’s situation. I want to decide what to do with the novel I finished (The Fairy Tale Asylum). And I just don’t want to feel rushed. After all, the Lunar New Year is in February. The old New Year is in March. I’m going to appreciate this liminal time and see what I learn by spring.
Thanks for reading! If you want to help support my work, there’s Patreon, KoFi, and PaperOctopus. A massive thank you to those who’ve already done so! You mean so much to me! THANK YOU! Wishing you all good things whatever and however you celebrate.
Marta Bacon 