This story may beg the question: is this writer crazy?
Okay. I exaggerate. I’m a writer. It’s what I do.
But be that as it may.
It isn’t as if I don’t know what I’m writing when I write. I do. Sort of. Nonetheless, I get to the end and find myself thinking, “Really? Did I write what I think I did?” This is followed by, “Quit overreacting. Lots of people write way weirder stuff.”
So. Am I pretentious or foolish or arrogant to think I’ve written something different and weird–because everyone has “weird” thoughts; it is just that not everyone puts those thoughts on a page anyone can read. Or am I naive or self-delusional to think I’ve written something ordinary and that no one will have an opinion on what I do either way? Which leads to–why write something ordinary? Which leads to–this entire inner-dialog borders on the hysteric. Maybe inside I’m still 13.
Anyway, I’m still on track for blogging every day with the theme of maybe. And I’ve written a story every day for the month of May. The stories may not work, but at least I’ve done what I said I’d do.
Now, do you have conversations with yourself like this? Or do you never worry that you’ve written something others will judge you by?
2 thoughts on ““You May Be Right. I May Be Crazy. But I Just May Be the Lunatic You’re Looking for.””
I hope whoever came up with the “maybe” theme is enjoying the way you’re playing around with it as much as at least one of your regular readers. I grinned at the first paragraph here but did a flat-out Ha! at the third.
You probably know that I, too, worry about this stuff all the time.
My consolation: in real life, off the page, while I’m not even remotely a garrulous sort, I always manage to find somebody to talk to about, well, whatever. And the first conversation I have with someone is seldom (if ever) the last. I conclude from this that if I’m sufficiently interested in my story and entertained by my telling, there must be others out there who will respond the same way. (Especially since, unlike me, they’ll be seeing it for the first time.)
…but the phrase “wish fulfillment” is never far from my mind at such times. Hence, the neurosis.
I always worry that someone is going to judge me for my writing. It’s one of the biggest obstacles I face in sharing my writing with others. But I continue to write because I love it and because someone will find it great and want to publish it.