On those American Idol tryouts you see those people who believe they can sing. They sing their best with all their dreams flung about for the world to see and then are told how awful they are. And they are awful. Perhaps you’ve laughed at their self-delusion. Perhaps you’ve cringed.
Actually, I’ve never watched the show, but I’ve seen enough clips over the years to get the idea.
Then I wonder if I’m the writerly version of those deluded contestants.
Rejection from agents and literary magazines doesn’t mean you can’t write–no more than a lover deciding not to marry you means you can’t find the right partner later. Maybe you just have to start asking the right people out. Or go into therapy. Or realize you really would make a terrible life partner.
Hey, life partnership isn’t for everyone. Why does it need to be?
There are the numbers. Pesky things. Number of books out there. Number of readers. Everyone can’t be a bestseller.
Hey, bestsellerdom isn’t for everyone.
If you’re willing to keep going in spite of the rejections and the critics, stop making fun of other deluded people. Just a thought.
So. Speaking of deluded people. I’m famous in a parallel universe. See for yourself. Click on the Time Vortex.
4 thoughts on “I’m deluded and that’s okay. (I angst all night and I worry all day.)”
First of all, wow, you’ve NEVER seen American Idol?! I don’t watch much TV, but I thought it was pretty much inescapable to have seen at least one episode. I applaud your steadfast resistance! 🙂
I go through long periods, absolutely firmly resolved that I have been deluding myself for almost a decade.Then something cool will happen unexpectedly. For me that recently happened after I gave my last ms to our Goddaughter, almost as an afterthought on her last visit. She is a grad student on summer break, and said she was up for something different. I’d almost forgotten she had it when she emailed me. She read it in, like, a week, and loved it! Now she’s here with a group of her friends to hang on the beach, and was raving about the book to them last night over dinner. They all started asking me all about it, and others now want to read it. These are 20-somethings. It made me feel pretty darn special. You never know when those feelings will be flipped. It’s not a book deal, or really even very important, in the scheme of things, but still…
I still won’t be laughing at the delusional anytime soon. 🙂 Nice post, Marta. I’m going over to check out your parallel universe too.
It is true. I have seen clips of the show and I’ve seen interviews with Simon Cowell (sp?), but have managed to avoid an actual episode.
Oh actual happy readers! Isn’t that a great feeling? Hold onto that!
Cheers to you for never having seen American Idol. That’s willpower – it’s like a train wreck and you can’t tear yourself away once you get sucked in. I totally get the delusion thing. I do it to myself all the time. I delude myself into thinking I have friends or that a man might come along who loves me or that I might get to be a mom someday. I delude myself into thinking I’m capable of having something published. But most of the time, I’m not so sure any of those things are going to happen. Yet, I continue trying and I continue getting hurt and rejected. You’d think I’d know better by now.
The clips I’ve seen of the show make me too uncomfortable—-that self-delusion up for all the world to see… And I’m just not that big a fan of singing shows. I love musicals! But they’ve got a story and dancing and no judges.
Those things might happen. You never know. I remember deciding I was no longer going to fool myself into thinking I’d ever get married. Clearly that was never going to happen. And then I met someone who want to marry me. That was a big shock to me (and probably my dad and several friends).
You are living if you aren’t putting yourself out into the world–and that means some rejection and some joy. Can’t have one without the other, right?
Life is a complicated journey. Who is to say anyone is deluded as long as their is hope? Plenty of successful authors have stories of teachers or family members who told them to give up.
I may be deluded, but oh well.