I was expecting different news.
So, ever since my cancer diagnosis, I have gone regularly to my oncologist. You may be familiar with such a routine. At first you go in what feels like every other day and gradually, if things go well, you go in less and less. My appointments alternated too. One time with the doctor. The next time with the nurse.
Six months ago, I had my checkup with the nurse. I’ve been NED (No Evidence of Disease) for a while, and she told me that I could be released from clinic if I wanted, but if I didn’t feel ready, I could come back to see the doctor. The nurse is great, but I didn’t feel ready to walk away from my checkups completely without seeing the doctor. If you’ve had a cancer experience, you might be able to relate. There can be something unsettling about leaving your oncologist forever. For me anyway, that doubt lingers–are we sure I’m cancer free?
Friends ask me about my cancer diagnosis–am I cured? In remission? I usually say, “There’s no evidence of disease.” Or “As far I know right now.”
Well, I still have no evidence of disease! So yay! That’s the main thing.
But I was expecting my doctor to say goodbye and wish me well and send me on my way. I’d even talked to a lady in the waiting room about it.
What she said instead was, “What are we going to do about your bones?”
If you’ve gone through chemo, you may have bone scans too. My bones look worse every time. The result is I’ll be going back for infusions to strengthen the little blighters.
I’m not asking for advice or anything. I’ve done my research and all that. Mostly, I’m working on my mindset. The infusions happen where I had my chemo, and it will feel strange to walk back in there.
In other news, my son stayed home from school one day this week because of threats against the school. Arrests have been made, and I’ll refrain from going into all the details, but it was a difficult morning. My son also turned 16 this week! 16!
This week seemed hell bent and determined to reminder me of mortality or how life goes in unexpected directions.
I wonder what’s next?
*
Help an artist.
Buy some things.
Read some books.
Thank you for reading.
Marta Pelrine-Bacon 
With loving. And, hearts.
Thank you. With love.
I’m so happy that you still have No Evidence of Disease! And so proud of you for being extra-special careful of your precious self! I did not know that about chemo bones. Hooray for doctors who know and take steps to help them. My kids are all out of school, but I have grandkids, and am also keenly aware of other people’s kids being in school, so I clenched in sympathy over your son’s school’s danger. It’s horrible, to have to teach your children what to do if somebody comes into school and starts shooting people.
I’ve been wondering if I was always going to have problem bones and chemo just made it worse (or happen sooner). But I’m trying to take care of myself. Trying!
And it is hard to know how to deal with fear and school. Most of my son’s friends went to school-and all was fine. But we just let him stay home. It’s hard to know what’s the right thing to do.