Looking Forward

When does the New Year stop being new? A few years back I witnessed a heated debate about when it was too late to wish someone a Happy New Year. I don’t know, but I’d accept happy new year wishes in July if need be.

In any case, here we are. I haven’t started my year with resolutions. I’ve started with commitments! This is scary and invigorating. I feel focused and supported. The self-doubt is still there, but I’m plowing through it.

The other evening I talked to friends about the future, and we talked about how hard it has been to look forward to anything. Which isn’t to say there aren’t things to look forward to. I think it is more the mood It’s a lot of I’m-looking-forward-to…if there’s a vaccine…if I can…if I still have my job…if things are back to normal. For some of us anyway, it’s hard to embrace unbridled excitement.

I’m looking forward to my son graduating but it won’t feel like graduation. He hasn’t been at his school since March of last year. I look forward to him starting college in the fall, but worry about the cost and the state of the world we’re sending him out into. (I mean, on top of the usual parent anxieties, throw in a pandemic and a country beset by the virus of conspiracy.)

I’m looking forward to seeing my dad eventually. I hope. Feels like bad luck to say so though.

It feels risky to look forward to much. But yet we should. I have friends moving into new homes, students having babies, and family getting married. But we don’t have to look forward to big things. I’m looking forward to my first latte of the year from my favorite coffee shop, new episodes of Doctor Who in the fall, and sitting on my patio on a warm spring day with a good book.

And honestly I’m looking forward to what happens with my Patreon. Even if it stays small and grows no more, I’m already thinking about the fun and the challenge of sending people small handmade things. It reminds me of when I was a kid and I along with two friends created a newsletter about horses. I loved crafting it and sending it out. Did I worry as much then if my work was perfect? I can’t even remember.

I hope you’re looking forward to something.

Thanks for reading.

One thought on “Looking Forward

  1. Looking forward to your Patreon posts and art. Looking forward to the last half of A BRIEF HISTORY OF BOYFRIENDS. I’m trying not to read it all up in one gobble. “The Red Suitcase” remains one of the best stories I’ve ever read. ❤

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