I've started several blog posts that I haven't finished. Percocet took over and I couldn't think. And everything I write seems ridiculous. Trite. Meaningless. I don't have anything to add to the cancer narrative. I can't add any original observations. I've started reading two breast cancer memoirs. I finished the first chapter of one of …
Category: fear
Imagination Fail
Eight days until surgery. I've got my post-op shirts and even two small post-op pillows. One pillow is recommended for the drive home from the hospital. It will go between the seatbelt strap and me. I've seen post-op pictures of others to give me an idea what to expect. I'm getting my house in order, …
More Bloody Days and Other Craziness
Here is what I know today. First, I need wound care. This surgical incision--still bleeding after two weeks--isn't healing properly. I'm looking forward to getting that out of the way. After this wound clears up, my future holds a few more medical adventures. I'll be tested for Marfan Syndrome. I've been suspected before of having …
The Magic of Numbers
Numbers are magical. Well, they can be. Numbers go on forever. We need fractions and percentages and formulas. As much as you may hate math, numbers are everywhere. They allow the Internet to work. They make sure you take enough medicine to help you but not kill you. Then there are those numbers people believe …
The Questions
My son found the CNN page with profiles and photos of the victims in Newtown. He read every single one, and several he went back to. One little girl, for some reason, struck him more than the others. An hour later he told me he was thinking about that particular girl a lot. I asked …
A student told me today that in her country if you told people you were afraid of dogs, they would think you were normal. But if you told people you were afraid of spiders, they would think you were crazy. Well, okay. I learn something every day. Have you learned anything surprising lately?
Perfect Sentences and Other Lies
Some people promise to diet or to exercise every day or to be more patient. Do you do that? Swear you're going to be different and somewhere between three minutes and three days that is all shot to hell? Mine is that I'm going to be less neurotic. I've been trying to come up with …
Is that the best you can do?
In high school I spent one year on the yearbook staff. I started the class really excited, and I ended the class hoping never to speak of it again. When my mother saw the section I'd worked on--the advertising section, which I hated but did work hard on--she said, "That doesn't look very good. That's …
Editing: The Mutant Virus Edition
If you want to be a published author, you have to edit your work. No matter the publishing path, editing is along the way. Sometimes editing makes me feel like I know what I'm doing. Really. I see the problem. Take my pen to it. Look at the page and see all those marks, and …
The Wish Gods
I was nine when I understood what people meant by, "Be careful what you wish for." I'd wish for my dad to get married. Well, okay. Maybe the expression should be, "Be careful what you wish for unless you're very, very specific." If I'd known that at nine, I'd have wished for my dad to …
Marta Bacon 